


Goodbye Padfoot

by DemonBanisher



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Animal Death, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M, Pets, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28555131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonBanisher/pseuds/DemonBanisher
Summary: It's a week before Christmas, and Sirius and Remus have to say goodbye to their dog Padfoot.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Goodbye Padfoot

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story about what it means to have to say goodbye to a pet. I had to say goodbye to my dog this year and I hope this can help others who are going through that loss feel a little less alone.

“I don’t understand,” Remus was saying into the phone and Sirius was clenching his arm tightly. Remus always had the volume of his phone ridiculously high so he had heard every word. “I thought,” Remus stopped as he choked, the tears he was trying to hold back forcing themselves forward. “I thought he was coming home.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sirius heard the vet say on the other end of the phone. “I’ll give you some time to decide.”

Remus mumbled a thank you and turned to look at Sirius with glassy eyes. 

“She said… she said…”

“I know,” Sirius said and took him into his arms as they both fell apart. 

They had Padfoot for what felt like forever. He was just a puppy when they finally moved in together after school, but he’d been there through everything. He’d sat with Remus and licked the tears off his face after his grandma had passed, staying by his side until Sirius could get home to be with him. He’d been the first passenger in the new car they’d bought together. He’d been with them through birthday parties, weddings, promotions, and job loss. Sirius had even tied the box with the engagement ring in it to his collar when he went to propose to Remus. He’d been there through everything. Every illness. Every bad day. Every book Remus had read where he’d sit on the floor just so he could tug his hands through his fur. Every snowfall where he’d follow Sirius outside when he went to shovel and promptly ram his face into the snowbanks, always causing the two of them to laugh. 

Some quiet, unspoken part of them knew that this day was coming but it wasn’t supposed to happen yet. They were supposed to have more time together. 

Remus pulled back, wiping tears from his eyes. “We could try the treatments but that won’t really fix the problem, plus there’s still the mass and I…” a fresh wave of tears came over him. “I don’t want him to suffer.”

Sirius nodded, struggling to find his voice again, but they’d been together long enough that Remus knew everything he wanted to say. He sat down and picked up his phone so he could call the vet again. 

“Hi, it’s Remus calling back, yes I can hold.” He sat in the heavy silence as he waited for the receptionist to transfer back to the doctor. His body slumped under the weight of grief but straightened as another voice came over the phone. “Yes, we’ve decided we’ll go with euthanasia.” His voice tripped over all the syllables and he hated how cold the word sounded. It sounded foreign and wrong. Empty and black. Nothing like their Padfoot.

He plowed his way through all the necessary questions. The process, what would happen afterwards, and Sirius watched with awe. One part of him blown away by how strong Remus was, another part terrified that he was so worried about protecting him that he wasn’t processing it himself. 

After all of that was over and done with, they picked up Padfoot’s favourite toy, a small black stuffed dog that was essentially a smaller version of him, got in the car, and drove to the vet’s office. Remus hands had a vice grip on the wheel and he had a moment where he thought about just yanking it to one side and flooring the gas. Some desperate hope that if he drove fast enough none of this would be real. 

When they got there, the vet led them to a small private room where Padfoot was bundled in blankets. The second he locked eyes with them his face broke into a smile, tongue lolling to the side, he started to squirm as he tried to get up but was too weak. Remus’ heart broke as he realized that Padfoot thought they’d come to take him home. 

“Hey baby,” Sirius said as he leaned down to scratch that special spot that he liked. “It’s gonna be okay, we’re here now. Look we brought little you.” He said as he sat down on a chair and rested the toy by Padfoot’s side.

The vet told them she’d give them some time and to simply call when they were ready. Remus nodded and thanked her before making his way to Sirius’ side. 

They both wished they could spend forever with him. That this moment would never end, but they knew it would have to, so they revelled in it as long as they could. Running their hands through his fur over and over again as they tried to map the feeling of it into their memory, knowing that soon they’d never be able to feel it again. 

They told each other stories, like the time Harry visited and hid green gummy army men around the house. No one had known he’d done it until Padfoot started throwing up heads and arms. Or the time Sirius had held out his corn and the cob as a joke and Padfoot had leapt up and snatched it from him with ease. 

And they told Padfoot stories of what heaven would be like. They promised him that there would be no more stairs, as they’d become the bane of his existence in recent years. They promised him it would be an endless green field and a constant supply of warm toast with peanut butter. Remus told him his grandma was waiting for him to spoil him rotten. And Sirius told him he could take endless naps. 

Eventually, they called the vet and she explained to them what would happen and as Sirius and Remus held him and stroked his fur and told him how much they loved him and how much of a good boy he’d been, he slowly drifted away from them. His head landing squarely on his paws like he was fast asleep. Remus had a brief moment to think, “thank god it was exactly like how they show it in the movies.”

Then he was rubbing comforting circles onto Sirius’ back as he sobbed and he tried to make sense of everything that had happened in the last few hours. Padfoot had just been sick. He was supposed to be coming home. The vet said he was going to be coming home. 

And now here they were, the vet came again, and they said they were okay to leave, when really nothing could be further from the truth. Then they each gave Padfoot one last kiss on the head and were gone. Remus made it to the parking lot before breaking down but something about stepping through the doorway of the vet’s office made it all real. Brought it into focus that he was leaving with a collar and a leash when the only thing he wanted was his dog. Sirius held him until he calmed down long enough to drive. 

When they got home, they felt like it should all be over, but the truth was it wasn’t. Because Padfoot was everywhere. He was in the little stocking that they hung over the fireplace next to theirs. His name was written on gifts that Sirius and Remus had wrapped for each other. His blanket was tucked in the corner of the kitchen and next to the table was his food bowl that he’d never eat from again. 

It was only two days ago that Remus had sat at that table and let Padfoot out back. He’d laid down in the snow for so long that he had started shivering but Remus didn’t want to bring him inside. He wanted to give him that, the cool air in his fur, the snow on his belly for as long as was possible. Maybe part of him had an inkling that this was one illness that he wouldn’t come back from, but he thought he’d have at least until the new year with him. He thought they’d get one more Christmas together. 

But life had to go on, so they picked at their supper and drank before going to bed. When Sirius broke down sobbing when he went to feed him in the morning without thinking, Remus just held him. But it felt like living with a phantom. Every time he thought he might be getting to the other side he’d catch himself checking under the chair for a sleeping Padfoot or picking his snack up off the floor so he couldn’t get at it. 

They had both been through a lot of loss in their lives, and they were both shocked at how they forgot that it could feel like this. Like an ache in your chest, you can’t get rid of. A lump in your throat you can’t swallow down. A lethargic cloud that makes you not want to get out of bed. The way that a week, two weeks, a month later they would find themselves miserable and not know why until a reminder of Padfoot would cause them to break down again and they’d remember “I’m not really over this. I don’t think I’ll ever be over this.”

Because he was their best friend. Their secret confidant. The person they vented to when the other was driving them insane. He was the most perfect companion. The absolutely sweetest dog. They always joked that their friends only came by to see Padfoot and not them. That had been the hard part too. The phone calls that had to be made. The people you had to tell. Because every time you said it out loud it became a little more real. And they both wanted to believe that this was just a very bad dream.

Sirius didn’t want it to snow. Didn’t want the snowflakes to wash away the last of Padfoot’s track in their yard but it did. And companies aren’t much understanding about bereavement for pets and they had to go back to work. But the truth was there would always be a Padfoot shaped hole in their hearts. 

He had been perfect. Even on the days when they were trying to train him as a puppy, and it seemed he peed everywhere but in the yard. Even when he woke Remus up at six am to let outside when it was -30 in the winter. Even when they had to stop watching Wheel of Fortune because he’d bark at every ding thinking it was the doorbell. He was their everything. And they’d give it all up just to have him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Missing my Padfoot a little extra today.


End file.
